This is a beautiful memoir, David, and so dynamic it really doesn’t feel like long read. I admire your courage as a writer. The end of life narrative here about your father is also as nuanced as it is bold. Please, take all the time you need to recharge your battery. I’m looking forward to your next installment about these riveting family dynamics which also resonate with a lot of regional American history. Great storytelling.
Thank you so much for sharing. It was beautiful. Similar elements in and around my family story.
I think it illustrates the harm that can be done with messaging too. He was told he wouldn’t amount to much and believed it. Despite musical talent. It sounds like you may have felt not as accepted by your mother and grandmother for your similarities to him.
My younger children’s father is my abuser. As a mother I can tell you their physical likeness to him is a complicated feeling but does nothing to diminish the love.
I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child or feeling I hadn’t had time to make things right with them. I did not meet my father (not the alcoholic in my story). He died on one of my daughter’s birthdays before I could find him. He was a good man and tried to get custody of me when I was 2. My mother ran him off when I was 3 months old. I do know how growing up not knowing him feels.
I deeply appreciate your comments here and want you to know you're going to be shaking your head quite a bit when I get finished with my mother's story so much similarities.
Beautiful story of estrangement and reconciliation and the healing properties of love and understanding. Happy you found a way to tell your father’s story which is as much yours as it is his.
What can I say, other than I know you had to get that out, and I only hope you find enough readers here who can almost entirely know how you must hve felt. I'd be one of those, old hill-billy myself.
This is absolutely beautiful, David. I think our parents sometimes don’t realize how important it is for us to fully know them and their lives, and how much that makes us who we are.
So much of this is so heartbreaking, but I’m so happy that you were able to connect with your father and for both of you to receive the peace that you needed from each other. Beautifully written.
Thank you Bob-being a parent, a grandparent, and soon to be great grandparent... I understand why kids never get the full story, but the love of telling stories, handed down to me by my father is to blame for my having decidedto write his story and my mother's... coming next...is the best way I can think of to make sure that those coming after me at least get a shot at understanding who and where they came from :)
David, this is both heartbreaking and uplifting. Good for you saying what you felt even though you weren't sure he could hear you - it must make your heart rest easy to know he did hear, and it gave him peace as well. Thank you for sharing this very difficult story.
Thank you for your kind words... Closure is often hard to come by and even more difficult after the worst of times but we both got ours in that final moment and I am truly grateful for that.
Beautifully written David. Thank you for taking us along on the telling of your story. Very emotional. I was captivated every minute of the reading and did not find it too long at all!
Thank you April-I was worried about the word count, but there was simply no way I could leave out anything... And it's interesting how stories start to take on a life of their own, and all you can do is ride out the storm to let it finished telling itself. Mom's goes in an entirely different direction and I'm resting up for it as we speak :) I'm glad you are here to join me on this journey.
I think that it is because it was so ‘from the heart’ that it made a really good read. I connected with my mum 30 years after she left (when I was 5) and I would have loved it if I had got to know her and become friends the way you did with your dad. Sadly it wasn't to be.
Well done, David. What a story. So much loss for so many of you. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. As a side note, my father also went to McKinley, although probably 4 years before yours. Congrats on doing a fine job with it. I bet it feels good to have written it.
A small world indeed. And yes, I feel incredibly better now that it's published but I'm only halfway there because I still have my mother's to do, though I'm too drained from doing this one to even think about how I want to go about that one just yet :)
Yes, a mixture of both for you as you told your story. I was born and raised in WV until moving to TX 9 years ago when my younger son wanted me here where he lives. My ancestors came from WV/KY with English/Scottist roots. My dad was 20 years older than my mom. He taught school in a one room classroom at the age of 16, grew up on a farm and believed in hard work and to always put aside into savings. Definitely had depression knowledge of how bad it can be. My mom being younger still knew about depression and would tell us about walking a good distance to get in line for milk. Their stories rubbed off on me as I’ve never had a bill I didn’t pay in full by due date. Always put something back from my meager earnings into savings. People and kids these days have no idea how to budget and just charge to the hilt with constant gratification their main goal.
I appreciate that, Joyce, and I know it's a lot, but thank you for being willing to put in the time to take all of that one in- there's laughter and tears ahead :)
David, I wrote I had saved this story for later reading, and I just finished it. Indeed, tears and laughter, and how very special that you did get an opportunity to meet up and talk. Put everything on the table and work it through. I could imagine it gave you peace of mind. Thank you for sharing this, David. It’s moving and beautiful
Thank you Joyce, I appreciate your comment and I am grateful that you came back to it-that means a lot to me. It did give me peace, and a much better perspective as I reflected on my life with my parents starting with my father. Doing the same now as it relates to my mother is more difficult than I thought it would be but I'm glad I'm doing it. She's been gone 10 years now, and I think I'm finally ready to get the rest told about these two people and what they added to my own life... More good than bad by a long shot.
My mother and I spent the last 6 months of her life talking about anything we wanted to say, questions we had, and in the end there was nothing left unsaid. It gave us both peace and meant a lot after her passing. We had a very close bond, but we didn’t want to have open ends.
So I can totally understand why you feel the need to write it down.
Thank you! Given the word count, I was worried about that, but there was no good spot to break this into multiple pieces. I appreciate you sticking around to the ending.
It ticked along beautifully! Gone are the days when I felt I had to stick with a book or essay to the end, even if I was bored or the piece just wasn't for me. Now I don't think twice about stepping away!
This is a beautiful memoir, David, and so dynamic it really doesn’t feel like long read. I admire your courage as a writer. The end of life narrative here about your father is also as nuanced as it is bold. Please, take all the time you need to recharge your battery. I’m looking forward to your next installment about these riveting family dynamics which also resonate with a lot of regional American history. Great storytelling.
Thank you, Heidi, your words mean a great deal to me.
Thank you so much for sharing. It was beautiful. Similar elements in and around my family story.
I think it illustrates the harm that can be done with messaging too. He was told he wouldn’t amount to much and believed it. Despite musical talent. It sounds like you may have felt not as accepted by your mother and grandmother for your similarities to him.
My younger children’s father is my abuser. As a mother I can tell you their physical likeness to him is a complicated feeling but does nothing to diminish the love.
I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child or feeling I hadn’t had time to make things right with them. I did not meet my father (not the alcoholic in my story). He died on one of my daughter’s birthdays before I could find him. He was a good man and tried to get custody of me when I was 2. My mother ran him off when I was 3 months old. I do know how growing up not knowing him feels.
I’m so glad you were able to connect in time. 💕
I deeply appreciate your comments here and want you to know you're going to be shaking your head quite a bit when I get finished with my mother's story so much similarities.
I look forward to it :)
Beautiful story of estrangement and reconciliation and the healing properties of love and understanding. Happy you found a way to tell your father’s story which is as much yours as it is his.
Thank you Paul, I appreciate how you send that up so eloquently :)
What can I say, other than I know you had to get that out, and I only hope you find enough readers here who can almost entirely know how you must hve felt. I'd be one of those, old hill-billy myself.
Thank you my old friend, I hope I did our birthplace and our culture justice :)
What a both touching and tormenting story.
Thank you Stanley :)
This is absolutely beautiful, David. I think our parents sometimes don’t realize how important it is for us to fully know them and their lives, and how much that makes us who we are.
So much of this is so heartbreaking, but I’m so happy that you were able to connect with your father and for both of you to receive the peace that you needed from each other. Beautifully written.
Thank you Bob-being a parent, a grandparent, and soon to be great grandparent... I understand why kids never get the full story, but the love of telling stories, handed down to me by my father is to blame for my having decidedto write his story and my mother's... coming next...is the best way I can think of to make sure that those coming after me at least get a shot at understanding who and where they came from :)
Ooof. You have gutted me yet again. Glad you got to get that closure at the end there. Bless.
David, this is both heartbreaking and uplifting. Good for you saying what you felt even though you weren't sure he could hear you - it must make your heart rest easy to know he did hear, and it gave him peace as well. Thank you for sharing this very difficult story.
Thank you for your kind words... Closure is often hard to come by and even more difficult after the worst of times but we both got ours in that final moment and I am truly grateful for that.
Your father left a complicated legacy. And you’re telling of it is very powerful. Thanks for trusting us with your beautiful candor.
Beautifully written David. Thank you for taking us along on the telling of your story. Very emotional. I was captivated every minute of the reading and did not find it too long at all!
Thank you April-I was worried about the word count, but there was simply no way I could leave out anything... And it's interesting how stories start to take on a life of their own, and all you can do is ride out the storm to let it finished telling itself. Mom's goes in an entirely different direction and I'm resting up for it as we speak :) I'm glad you are here to join me on this journey.
I think that it is because it was so ‘from the heart’ that it made a really good read. I connected with my mum 30 years after she left (when I was 5) and I would have loved it if I had got to know her and become friends the way you did with your dad. Sadly it wasn't to be.
Well done, David. What a story. So much loss for so many of you. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. As a side note, my father also went to McKinley, although probably 4 years before yours. Congrats on doing a fine job with it. I bet it feels good to have written it.
A small world indeed. And yes, I feel incredibly better now that it's published but I'm only halfway there because I still have my mother's to do, though I'm too drained from doing this one to even think about how I want to go about that one just yet :)
What a touching and beautiful story. Closure, no matter how brief, is a good thing.
Both of us needed it, especially at that point in our perspective lives
So personal and thoughtful.
Thank you my friend
What a beautiful yet sad and touching story. You left me in tears.
Thank you Ruth-I hope some of the tears were happy ones :) some were for me as I wrote it
Yes, a mixture of both for you as you told your story. I was born and raised in WV until moving to TX 9 years ago when my younger son wanted me here where he lives. My ancestors came from WV/KY with English/Scottist roots. My dad was 20 years older than my mom. He taught school in a one room classroom at the age of 16, grew up on a farm and believed in hard work and to always put aside into savings. Definitely had depression knowledge of how bad it can be. My mom being younger still knew about depression and would tell us about walking a good distance to get in line for milk. Their stories rubbed off on me as I’ve never had a bill I didn’t pay in full by due date. Always put something back from my meager earnings into savings. People and kids these days have no idea how to budget and just charge to the hilt with constant gratification their main goal.
I could not agree with you more Ruth and I love that you came from West Virginia :)
David, I have saved this for later reading. It’s about dinner time here and I do want to be able to keep reading till the last word.
So bear with me please
I appreciate that, Joyce, and I know it's a lot, but thank you for being willing to put in the time to take all of that one in- there's laughter and tears ahead :)
Well, isn’t that basically what life is all about? Laughter and tears.
But I love reading so I’m looking forward to this!
It absolutely is
David, I wrote I had saved this story for later reading, and I just finished it. Indeed, tears and laughter, and how very special that you did get an opportunity to meet up and talk. Put everything on the table and work it through. I could imagine it gave you peace of mind. Thank you for sharing this, David. It’s moving and beautiful
Thank you Joyce, I appreciate your comment and I am grateful that you came back to it-that means a lot to me. It did give me peace, and a much better perspective as I reflected on my life with my parents starting with my father. Doing the same now as it relates to my mother is more difficult than I thought it would be but I'm glad I'm doing it. She's been gone 10 years now, and I think I'm finally ready to get the rest told about these two people and what they added to my own life... More good than bad by a long shot.
My mother and I spent the last 6 months of her life talking about anything we wanted to say, questions we had, and in the end there was nothing left unsaid. It gave us both peace and meant a lot after her passing. We had a very close bond, but we didn’t want to have open ends.
So I can totally understand why you feel the need to write it down.
Thank you. I enjoyed this immensely - at no point did I want to stop reading and come back to it later!
Thank you! Given the word count, I was worried about that, but there was no good spot to break this into multiple pieces. I appreciate you sticking around to the ending.
If actually didn’t feel like a long read as it was very engrossing.
Thank you, Ruth. This is very helpful feedback. I'm pretty sure my mother's is going to be just as lengthy. :)
It ticked along beautifully! Gone are the days when I felt I had to stick with a book or essay to the end, even if I was bored or the piece just wasn't for me. Now I don't think twice about stepping away!
Oh, I get that.